Speak Now
by Science and Fiction
Summary: Mikan and Natsume meet again on Christmas after years of next to no contact. They agree to have dinner and certain feelings finally come to light. Rated T for safety.


**Author's Note:** This is an old story that's been sitting around in my computer for ages. I've been meaning to put it on the website for a while now. Hope you like it, and if you have intense feels after reading this, do leave a review.

Songs that have inspired this piece: Speak Now- Taylor Swift (regrettably), Always Summer- Adrian Johnston and essentially the rest of the songs on my sad playlist.

Disclaimer: No, not mine.

* * *

It was looking to be a slightly lonely holiday season for Natsume. He was alone in Tokyo this year, since his father and sister would both be at their family home in Kyoto but he had to stay on because on the huge amounts he had to study, seeing as his medical finals were right around the corner, and would start come the end of winter break.

He sighed for what seemed like the millionth time as he pored through the racks of a nearby supermarket, hunting down his favourite brand of instant ramen to tide him through the next few weeks. He couldn't cook to save his life; unfortunately, cooking was the one thing that he was absolutely horrible at.

The last time he tried to make spaghetti the easy way, by soaking the stiff stands and using a ready-made tomato paste straight from the jar, he triggered the smoke alarm. Not even to mention that when he previously attempted to use a cake mix, he very nearly burnt down his kitchen.

So, without company at all, it was either Chinese take-out or instant ramen for Christmas dinner, he noted mournfully, lamenting the loss of a decent home-cooked meal for what had been way too long. He finally found a passable brand of ramen (it was just his luck, he presumed, that the last pack had to be snatched by a little kid he couldn't bear to take it from) and after paying for it, had just exited the store when a red and green tornado collided into him and knocked the breath out of his lungs.

"What the—"

Natsume bit off a swear while dusting himself off and picking up his fallen groceries. "Don't you watch where you're going?" he said, half irritably, though there wasn't much bite in it. He was not quite able to muster his full 'mean Natsume-ness', as Aoi dubbed it, since it _was _Christmas after all, and contrary to popular belief, he was not an incarnation of Scrooge.

As he looked at his 'attacker', he was met with a bowed head of long brown hair, of an almost copper shade, which looked like it was bobbing up and down- so furiously was the person bowing in what sounded like apology. The girl was talking as fast as a machine gun, rapidly firing off words that he could not link together due to the speed of her delivery.

He tried harder to make out what she was saying and finally caught onto a bit of dialogue.

"I'm very, very, very, very sorry for bumping into you but I was looking at the little elves standing outside the supermarket, the little ones with the pointy ears and dressed in purple, because they looked quite adorable from where I was standing and I couldn't figure out who they would hire to play such a role— I mean, do you think they would actually hire midgets for such a role? Because the other alternative is children and I am very against that, and I really, really wanted to find out so I was rushing there and didn't see you— not that you're short or invisible but when I am focused on something, I tend to be a bit blind to everything else. My friends all think I'm a bit of a nutcase but I really only ramble on like this when I'm nervous. Or when I'm really sorry. Did I tell you I was, I mean, I still am, very, enormously, highly, most magnificently sorry to have bumped into you. Extremely. Really, Mr…"

Her voice trailed off and she looked up at him with a pair of very familiar brown eyes.

"N-Natsume?" she whispered half incredulously, not quite willing to believe that she had crossed paths with her reclusive ex-schoolmate.

He found his throat suddenly very dry as he stood in front of his ex- what was she, anyway? She had been his best friend since the second grade, when they threw juice cartons and crayons at each other, and all the way up through high school. But there always seemed to be something else. They were too close for merely friendship, yet too far away for love. He couldn't believe that she was here, actually here, and standing right in front of him.

"What are you doing here?" said person of confused relation to him asked him with that slight smile of hers.

Natsume lifted his bag of groceries in reply.

"Right," she beamed at him, which didn't mean anything, he told himself, because she beamed at everything and everyone, including old men walking down the street. "Of course, I forgot that's what normal people do at supermarkets. Although it's a little strange to think that _you_ do normal things like _eat food_." She said the two words with the same emphasis and incredulity one might use for 'consume metallic devices' or 'go out stark naked'.

He rolled his eyes at her childishness. "No," he replied dryly. "This food is for my robot dog, Robbie. I ingest my food through tubes that are inserted into my arms three times a day. The vitamins just flow right on in, you know? I munch on a few sticks of reactive nuclear material for that extra boost when I'm feeling low. Sometimes I even add some mayonnaise on it. Just for kicks. How did you guess?"

Mikan looked caught between laughter and tearing her hair out in frustration.

"I can't believe it but I think I might actually miss the times when you used to just say 'hn' like a bad anime character."

"Naruto was an excellent anime and Sasuke was a great character, once he got that stick out of his ass." He immediately jumped to the defense of his favourite manga and anime.

"And you have Narumi to blame for my speaking." He mumbled.

It was true though, Narumi, his meddlesome eighth grade English teacher forced him to join the debate club and encouraged him to speak his mind. It was a drawn out process but once Natusme started, he couldn't stop. If it were not for him, he might never have opened up at all.

"I like this Natsume more though. He's less distant and seems more like he has a heart under that." She mused half to herself, punctuating her lat statement with a gentle poke to his chest.

It was then that he realized she was trembling slightly, and her hand was shaking as she drew her coat around her more tightly and that he was feeling the cold himself as well.

"It's too cold for a reunion outside a supermarket. Are you free now? We could get some dinner and catch up then." he said gruffly, stuffing freezing hands into the wool-lined pockets of his jacket, trying not to sound too hopeful.

"No, I'm sure you have plans for Christmas Eve. I wouldn't want to get in the way."

"Trust me, the only plans I have involve a bowl of instant ramen and watching the stupid reruns of 'how the Grinch stole Christmas' hey play every year. You'd be doing me a favour." He didn't know why he was telling her this. He had cancelled his plans on Christmas Eve so he could spend some time alone studying and revising but after meeting her now, after 3 years, he didn't want to let her go again so easily.

"Well," Mikan contemplated the situation for a second.

"Hotaru is out of the country now and Grandfather is out visiting friends tonight so I guess I'll just have to save you from a night of loneliness and trans-fat products." She replied, a mischievous smile quirking the edges of her lips. His heart, as childish as it seemed, skipped a little.

She perked up and smiled brilliantly at him. "Let's have dinner then."

~~x~~

They were halfway through a meal of wonderfully-cooked food and pleasant conversation when she started a conversation he would never forget.

"You know," Mikan mentioned casually, tracing the rim of her cup with her finger, "I always thought that we would end up together."

Almost immediately, spluttering sounds and a series of coughs erupted from the other side of the table as Natsume choked slightly on the sip of iced water he had been taking when she said those words.

Mikan waited patiently for Natsume to regain his composure before she continued with her explanation. "The set-up seemed right. Angsty, brooding emo kid meets overly cheerful girl and then they become best friends and fall in love. It always happens in the movies."

She was met with an incredulous and mildly indignant stare from her childhood best friend.

"I am definitely _not _angsty or brooding, much less 'emo'. You make me sound like some awful Edward Cullen figure," he said, his distaste for the (in his opinion) horrific Twilight series colouring his words with disdain.

She pointed at him with the piece of broccoli speared onto the end of her fork. "It's called self-awareness, Natsume, and you might want to try that some time." He made a sound in the back of his throat.

"I am perfectly healthy emotionally. In fact," he told her with a straight face, "I have been told that I am capable of great romance."

She stared at him incredulously. "You? Romance? I haven't heard such blatant bullshit since Mochu insisted that he could fly in 4th grade."

"I am being perfectly serious." He said solemnly. "This is my serious face."

Mikan leaned back in her seat and shook her head slightly in disbelief. "Who would tell you such a thing?"

"What," Natsume corrected her with a small tsk tsk sound. "And it was a fortune cookie."

She laughed and propped her arms up, resting her chin on her palms. "And here I was, actually taking you seriously. Silly me." She replied sardonically.

"Silly you." Natsume screwed up his face in a show of mock sympathy, to which she stuck her tongue out in retaliation.

"But honestly, do fortune cookies really make such comments?"

"They do, I swear on all that is strong and manly, like football and big cars." She snorted but he ignored it and continued.

"My fortune cookie clearly told me that I was 'a romantic at heart', who was 'waiting for the right moment to spout love poetry and make a shoujo manga-esque grand gesture.' Also, my lucky numbers were 3, 7, 26 and 84." His face was completely serious but his eyes were dancing with amusement.

"I hope you don't expect me to believe you. I've grown much smarter now." Mikan spoke in an informative tone, laying her cutlery diagonally across her plate to indicate that she had finished her meal.

"Well." He did the same, and dabbed at his mouth with his napkin.

There was silence for a while, which was interrupted by Mikan's statement.

"By the way," she said matter-of-factly, as if she were politely commenting on the weather. "Liars go to hell." She looked up at him and smiled beatifically.

"I guess you'll have to save me from a terrible fate, then." He answered equally nonchalantly.

She nodded her head in acknowledgement. "But I might find you too challenging a subject and give up on you halfway. I have many others to save, you know." She gave a little sigh and inspected her nails.

"I would try my best to be a better person. And bring you Howalon once a week." He spied the hint of a smile lurking about the edges of her mouth and sensed an easy victory.

"Once? I'm sure twice, at least." Mikan hid her smile by looking down and busying herself by folding her napkin.

"I can't help it. I'm just a broke med student." He shrugged his shoulders helplessly and sunk into his chair.

"Well then, Mr Hyuuga" she said primly. "I'm afraid that you will have to save yourself."

He smirked his trademark smirk, the one that earned him his famous (or infamous) title of Mr SmexyPantsBoomShakaLaka (he was well aware of the ongoing contest supposedly behind his back) in Alice Academy for all 4 years.

"Or," and here he leaned forward in his seat, and gestured for her to do the same. Mikan seemed surprised but obliged him nonetheless. "I could just drag you down to hell with me." And his smirk grew just a bit wider when he saw the tiny but present blush on Mikan's face as she hastily pulled back.

"Ass," she muttered under her breath. He grinned to himself and pretended not to hear her.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about though. We already have this strange, flirty non-relationship anyway. But we're neither here nor there. It's like there's something _between_ us." She gestured emphatically at the span of the table that stretched between them.

She looked pensive for a moment before asking him a question he had been trying to avoid for a long time.

"Haven't you ever wondered? About us?"

He opened his mouth to deliver one of his typically witty and sarcastic retorts but the words died in his throat when he saw the look in her eyes. She was serious; absolutely, definitely, 100 percent serious.

He fell silent because for once, he was afraid to answer a question. Because this topic scared the shit out of him. Because he _had _wondered.

The truth was, he had thought about it numerous times over the years. Thought about how right they seemed together, about how he was rough where she was soft, and what frustrated her, he was surprisingly good at. She liked the rain and he liked the sun. She hated rock and roll music and he thought it was the best thing in the world. He quite frankly, thought that Howalons tasted mind-numbingly sweet and were therefore disgusting.

They were such polar opposites, they could never agree on anything; but their edges met and melded into the other's perfectly, and they just _fit._

"Yes." He replied with difficulty, unused to being so honest on an uncomfortable topic.

"And?" She encouraged him to continue.

"Well since it's Christmas, and you're supposed to tell the truth at this time of the year… I guess you're right." He said frankly. "We _fit. _We should have- but we didn't." he stared at her, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he tried to sort out the confusion of thoughts in his head and express them coherently.

"We didn't because… I think we always knew we were going to be together and that we made so much sense together so we didn't _do_ anything about it. We expected to fall into each other's arms at the right place and the right time and we let it pass us by. We just… missed each other."

"That is possibly the most romantic thing I've heard you say."

"Well, what can I say? I have been known to be capable of great romance."

They shared a smile and suddenly, it felt like the three years of not seeing each other had never existed and they had been together all along.

Unexpectedly, he was the first to break the silence. "I missed this. I missed us."

"Me too."

But it was a happy kind of missing, one that stemmed from a reconnection, which reminded you of how much you had missed prior to the reunion. And he had missed too much. Mikan was smiling that smile of hers and he knew that he was grinning along. Like a fool. Like a horrible fool in love.

"Cheers." He said softly, immeasurably content and perfectly happy in this moment. She clinked her glass against his and his heart stuttered. He hadn't felt that since he was 17 and gruff to hide his shyness and painfully suffering from an unrequited love. Things were different but somehow they weren't. She wasn't dating Ruka anymore, and he was 21 and a medical student but still too scared to say anything to the one person who had ever mattered so much to him.

He'd waited and waited because admiring her from afar was enough for him back then. He wasn't so sure of it now.

They were outside the restaurant and the air was as chillier than before. Mikan shivered slightly as she pulled on her coat.

"Well," Mikan said, clearing her throat. "Thank you for the wonderful dinner, Natsume, and for taking time out of your studying to accompany an old friend."

"Yeah, um, anytime." He stuffed his hands into his pockets and tried to direct it to her neck when he mumbled it. God, he was so awkward.

Mikan didn't seem to notice how awkward he was though, or maybe she was used to it already. "It was really nice seeing you again. Bye, Natsume." She pecked his cheek, nothing more than the vaguest brushing of her lips against his cheek but he felt the warmth of her touch deep in his chest, lighting him with a strange sensation, as if he were simultaneously being lifted up and dragged down by a burden he could not comprehend.

She turned to go and the burden intensified. He was unhappy that she was leaving. He was unhappy that she was walking away from him again, and he did not know how long it would be before they met again. Then it hit him that he was unhappy because he wanted her to _stay._

"Oh," He breathed because he knew that he was in love with her, with this perfect girl who was now a woman. He had always been in love with her and he couldn't let her go are times when every moment in your life leading up a certain point coalesces and crystallizes into a sole clear focus, and in that span of a few seconds, you completely understand that everything has happened has been because of this, and you know, you _know_ exactly what you have to do.

In that moment, Natsume forgot every single reason that he had for staying silent all this while, for watching her fall in love and then falling out of it but never telling her how she should have picked him, for waiting and waiting for a right moment that never came, for being so close and never making the final step. He just knew that he couldn't bear to witness her walk out of his life a second time. Graduation had been hard as hell. This was going to be different.

"Wait! Mikan, stop!" Shocked at hearing her name called, she stilled and looked back at him.

Now that he had her attention... He had no idea what he was going to do. But he forged on anyway, ignoring how incoherent he might be.

"When we were younger, I was stupid. I was so stupid. I thought that I was going to have time. A year, and then another year. And you were there, always there. I thought I had forever but I didn't have forever. Of course I wouldn't have forever and I thought I lost you already so I didn't try to keep in touch but I knew, I've always known, or maybe I haven't and I'm _finally_ getting it but..."

He dared to look at her at this point and she was staring at him, slightly open-mouthed but with a hopeful yet disbelieving look on her face. Natsume swallowed. This was it.

"I love you," he told her bravely. "I love you, not because I'm lonely, or because I think you're perfect or shit like that, because you're not. You're loud and irritating but you are patient and kind and just good. So, so good. You have coerced me into a friendship with you and wormed your way into my life without me knowing it. You have bullied me into making space for you in my life and now there's a space for you that you're not here to fill." He paused for a breath then continued. "I want you here with me. I've," Natsume ran a hand through his hair, an old habit he had when he was nervous.

"I've loved you since I can't remember when. And I don't want you to go. Please." He licked his lips, dry from the cold and from his verbal torrent. He walked closer to her, each step somehow symbolising some gap between them that he was slowly trying to close up, to make the distance between them smaller and smaller until there was nothing and they were one.

He took her hand in hers and hoped that he would never stop holding on to her. "Please, stay."

She was in tears when she gripped his hands tightly and whispered back, "I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

That's... all. :)


End file.
